My Vaccum Sucks!

Finally! I'm so excited I now have a vacuum that works like it is supposed to.

I bought this vacuum right before I moved out of my fully carpeted apartment and into the guest house with tile and wood floors. I was sad because I wouldn't be able to use it. I quickly discovered hard floors are no good for me and put down a mismatched assortment of area rugs. Well, not area rugs. More like cheap-o carpet pieces from Kmart.


I don't remember exactly when it started, but I noticed a decrease in the performance of my vacuum. It took several passes to suck anything up. Then, it started regurgitating everything it had sucked up when I transitioned between carpet and hard floors, and finally, it would spit everything back out when I turned it off. Well, at least it was in one place for ease of picking up by hand. Looking back, I'm embarrassed to admit, this was probably going on for close to a year.


When I was moving out, I was trying to use the hose attachments to clean and the vacuum had zero suction. It wouldn't even pick up a tiny piece of scotch tape that was folded onto itself so it had no sticky side. It finally dawned on me the vacuum was useless. I thought maybe the hose was clogged. Turns out I was right. I ended up sticking a metal CB antenna down the hose and pushing everything out. A science experiment gone wrong. It was mostly Pie undercoat (why is it my short haired dog sheds the most?) and the inside of stuffed toys. Pie broke my vacuum.


I went back to using the hose attachments, and there was an improvement, but it wasn't all I had hoped for. And the regular part of the vacuum still wasn't sucking as it should.


I spend my MLK holiday doing yard work and cleaning the house. I broke out the vacuum. My plan was to vacuum the carpets (once again I have a combo of hard floors with the same cheap-o Kmart carpet pieces, and some new ones from WalMart and Big Lots) and not fall off the edge of the carpets so the vacuum wouldn't have an excuse to spit stuff everywhere. I fired the bad boy up (after locking the dogs in my room so they didn't have heart attacks) and got to work. I didn't get any love. I ran over the same piece of Fancy hair 5 times and it didn't move. I turned off the non-sucking appliance and just to be mean, it spit out of pile of stuff that must have been left over from the last time since it sure didn't pick anything up this time. That was the final straw. It was time for surgery.


I broke out the screwdriver and took out four screws and the vacuum got even more evil revenge (revenge for what?) by dumping enough dirt and dust on my cheap-o carpet piece to fill, if not the Grand Canyon, at least my bathtub. It is probably not a shock to anyone who owns a vacuum (or "sweeper" depending on if you think an appliance that works by sucking up dirt should be named after a side to side motion or not) that the reason my vacuum stopped (or started, depending on what kind of slang you use) sucking was because it was full of dirt. I thought it was too embarrassing to take pictures. The hole between the hose that leads to the bag and the bottom of the vacuum was completely clogged, which explains the pile of stuff always left behind. The clog acted like a filter, preventing all the large particles from entering the bag, and instead depositing them back onto my floor. In my defense, in addition to the clog of gross stuff, there was also a piece of cardboard blocking the hole. Pie at work again. I sometimes give her cardboard to rip up and I pick the pieces up by hand, but occasionally a smaller piece will get vacuumed up. I used the screwdriver to pry the caked in dirt and stuff from all the crevices and put the vacuum back together. Then the moment of truth arrived. Would my vacuum start to suck, or would I be left with a pile of dirt and dust two feet deep and three feet wide in the middle of my living room? I fired the bad boy up again and made a pass over the pile. It was no more! After one pass! I made several more passes to be sure, but I can now say with confidence that my vacuum sucks. It continued to suck even after making the transition between hard floors the the cheap-o carpet pieces. It sucked on the hard floors and it sucked when I used the hose attachments in the corners and on the dog beds. It sucked so hard it tipped over and hit me on the back while I was using the hose.


I find it is very satisfying to have a vacuum that works. Maybe now that there is an actual improvement after I use it, I might use it more often.


See Mom, blogging about loading the dishwaher would have been at least as exciting about blogging about a clogged vaccuum.